Ocean's One

There is no better entertainment than a good old fashioned Las Vegas casino heist.

In the movies, we get the all of the preparation and scheming. Remember in Ocean's Eleven, when he went out and recruited all of the masters of their trade? Remember when they built an exact replica of the Bellagio safe and had remote control vans and S.W.A.T. team uniforms?

Well, that is all just mindless theater.

The way to rob a Las Vegas casino is how this guy did it this morning. At 3:50am today at the Bellagio, a man strapped on a motorcycle helmet, walked up to a craps table with a gun and said "put the chips in the bag".

From there he jumped on his motorcycle and rode off with $1.5 million in chips. It is amazing. He does have to unload the chips, but I am sure he will take 75 cents on the dollar.

It will be interesting to see if this spawns a bunch of copycat casino robbers. If I know the gaming business, I would bet (no pun intended) that the probability of escape for these guys starts getting very unlikely.

On Frozen Roof

Almost 2 million views on YouTube of the Metrodome roof caving in. We love to see things going crashing down, don't we?

Alright, I lived in Minneapolis for a very brief period and it is flat out one of the coldest places in America. You can literally drive an SUV onto a lake during the winter because the ice is 20 inches thick. I left my Toyota Tercel outside one night in December and the next day it was a block of ice. The guy from AAA told me that he could not even start it.

In the video, the stadium looks like a circus tent being hit by a hail storm. The Vikings are a big time NFL franchise with superstar players. Maybe it is time to play football under a proper roof or, better yet, play outside like other teams in nasty winter markets (Packers, Bills and Patriots).

Well, the blow back of all this is that nobody (except NY and MN households) is going to see Brett Favre miss his first start in 20 years.

Kid Just Got Smurphed!

You want to know why technology is so fantastic? Because we have made it so simple that even a child can max out your credit card. Well, at least get the ball rolling.


California resident Kelly Rummelhart felt the financial sting of emerging technology. Her 4-year old son was playing with a Smurph application on her iPhone and was racking up charges on her credit card without knowing it. He ended up buying 11 buckets of "smurphberries" which you use to speed up gameplay. It is brilliant and yet very sinister.

My 11-year old son continues to plead with me to buy "Crowns" so he can upgrade his status on the massively popular PC game, Wizard 101. My 9-year old frequently approaches me with his iTouch and asks for my iTunes password so he can download the latest Flo Rida song.

It is just too easy to spend money without even having to put pants on. Take me for example, I just used my phone to put $1,000 on Wisconsin to win the Rose Bowl.

I figure if both of my kids have smart phones, they can bankrupt me by March of 2011.

Business News: McRib leads to McMoney

McDonald's Corporation (MCD) sales rose 4.8% in November on the massive U.S. appeal for the limited time menu item, the McRib.

These guys continue to show their genius and pure mastery of the quick-service restaurant business. Wendy's and Burger King are falling behind in the fast-food wars simply because McDonald's has a better grip on America's stomach.

Extra Value Meal, inexpensive exotic coffees and even lowering all of their large drinks to $1. We are simple people and we step in line and follow the simple concepts. I go by McDonald's everyday and get the $1 drink because it is just a good deal. No, I don't want to bring a can of soda from home that will cost me 25 cents.

The idea of a limited time offering of McRib is also a perennial winner for McDonald's. By only releasing this tangy sandwich to the wild once a year, they keep us all loyal and waiting. It is sort of like why I kept my subscription to Sports Illustrated for 15 years, the February Swimsuit Issue.

And if they did offer McRib as a regular menu item, I would be dead.

The other players need to come up with something fast or they are going to get McThumped.

Sirius-ly: Howard Stern to Take a Pay Cut?

There is no recession for shock jocks!

Well, wait a minute. The CFO of Sirius XM is saying that the recession absolutely hits shock jocks. Take Howard Stern, for example. It looks like the satellite radio company (the only one that I know of) is going to work hard to renew his contract. But, he will have to take a bit of a salary hair cut.


Stern, who has become the master of all radio by amplifying human flatulence and describing what it looks like to see two naked women kiss, is not amused. He was quoted saying, "I am not taking a f---ing pay cut". He also goes on to explain that 60% of the 20 million person XM subscriber base listens to the Howard Stern Show (The BlastCranium research and analytics team is going to want to see the official audit on this).

This seems like a matter that can be easily solved. Send out an email to 10,000 of your subscribers and ask them how many would leave if Howard leaves. Take the percentage and do the math and extrapolate to figure out how much revenue would go out the door. There is your negotiating leverage (one side or the other). Now this could backfire horribly for Sirius, but then you know you need to keep the shock jock.

Either way, you need to get your s--t together. Maybe you can take some of the money it costs to run Martha Stewart Living Radio and funnel it towards Howard. What is the world are people listening to Martha say all day

Good luck Howard. BlastCranium hopes you get a raise.

Sports Monday: W.A.R.P. in Cincinnati!

Wow! I really hope some of you are old enough to get the early 80's pop culture reference in the headline.

Anyway, the big sports story coming out of the Blast this Monday is not Auburn vs. Oregon or Tiger blowing a 4-stroke lead at his own tournament. It is the take down and arrest of an unruly mascot. This is real news.

The Cincinnati Bearcat decided to start chucking snowballs during the team's futile effort to compete with Pitt this weekend. So, let's mix snow, bad football and 80-proof schnapps. You end up with a wintry version of a "shock and awe" campaign in a half empty Cincinnati stadium.

Check out some footage from the scene (some graphic language). People seemed to be enjoying his stage act. Things eventually got out of hand and he had to be taken down. No teaser or tranquilizer gun necessary, but still good video for readers.

When a game is essentially over, the mascot needs to have full latitude to enhance the fan experience. It was snow! I know, somebody could catch one in the ear or eye and that would sting. This is what you do in the snow!

BlastCranium Productions is already in talks with this kid for a new reality show where he hops from college to college in a different costume and gets billy clubbed by campus police. Still working on a title.

New Office Policy...I'm Out!

Mega Sports Agency IMG has just distributed a new policy to it's employees. No Gambling on sports! This is all coming on the heels of some speculation that some big shots at IMG had the inside scoop on some of their biggest superstars (not to mention any names, but huge stars like Tiger Woods and Roger Federer).

So, the letter went out. click here to take a look see. No gambling on sports, and if you do we will probably fire you.

We here at BlastCranium, Inc. are big fans of sports wagering and will not take such a hard stance on gambling. I do realize, however, that sports gambling is pretty much illegal unless you are at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. If we do write up a policy, I am quitting because sports gambling is fun and liberating. I can throw $100 into a stock and hope that the CEO isn't a criminal or harassing a female employee OR I can put $100 on the Packers this weekend. Either way, it is my money and I want to lose it on my terms. That is America.

Anyway, good for you IMG. Since you guys know things that we don't (like where Tiger's yacht was this past weekend), maybe it is somewhat unethical for your employees to be betting on sports.

I am leaving the office now to lay some money down on a horse that just got his shots. Also a guy named Vito seems to be looking for me.

"Talk to me Goose".... "Where the heck is Goose?"

Sometimes an idea comes along that is so great that it forces me to surface from the deep.

Ryanair's maverick CEO, Michael O'Leary has an idea worthy to be posted on BlastCranium. The idea is to get rid of co-pilots on their flights.

Computers basically fly the planes now, so why do you need another overpaid pilot in the cockpit? If the pilot is incapacitated , they train one of the crew members to land the plane. That makes perfect sense. Although, a flight attendant that is qualified to land a jet is probably going to want a raise (might defeat the purpose of the cost savings).

Bottom line is that I like this guy. If something is wrong with the plane, we are probably going down anyway so the co-pilot is just another guy on board figuring out how to spend the last 30 seconds of his life.

It feels good to be writing again. I will try to post more, for those who care.

By the way, I hope those born after 1978 will get the Top Gun reference in the title.

Big Mac, What the?

No, I am not dead. It has been 4 months since my last confession (I mean posting).

Only the power of McDonald's can bring me out from hiding to make a Blast post.

The Big Mac Snack Wrap! Why in the name of all things holy would you alter the shape of the greatest fast food sandwich of all time? When they opened this thing up on the TV commercial, I fell off of my futon. It startled me to see "special sauce, lettuce, cheese" on a sesame seed...scratch that....a tortilla.

Don't trick up the classics. Please, protect the authenticity of the Big Mac.

By the way, do you really need to call Thousand Island Dressing "special sauce"?