Somebody Bail Me Out!

What a wild rollercoaster ride it was on Wall Street this week with Lehman Brothers, AIG, Wachovia and others dropping like rocks.

Well, it's all going to be OK. The American people are going to save all of the banks and brokerage firms from going under.

As the foremost authority on insane ideas, I will confirm that this bailout qualifies.

In all seriousness, it might just work. By this time next year, AIG will be back on its feet and the CEO will be snacking on caviar at his Martha's Vineyard summer home.

Since I'm not a finance wizard, I had the BlastCranium research and development team look up what we were really in for on this bailout plan. After four hours, my team came back with this: "We have no clue."

Actually, they told me that there was one mathematical certainty and that is "Higher Taxes."

I know where there might be some good job openings: The U.S. Treasury, because we're going to have to start printing all of this money we're using for this damage plan.

A final thought: Maybe loaning money to someone who has bad credit, no cash and no job, to purchase a house is a bad idea.

I'm certain that it is.