BlastCranium

Soda Pot

2011-01-28T17:50:00.002-06:00

Do I really need to explain why this idea earns a spot on BlastCranium?

California entrepreneur is wasting no time getting a new product out that features every one's favorite green leafy plant. Yes, he is putting pot in a soft drink. It is called Canna Cola

It is just a matter of time before marijuana is legal and we are cramming into every possible item we consume on a daily basis; Yogurt, candy, sandwich bread, you name it.

The BlastCranium staff is working on a retreat to go and "sample" some of this soda pop. Purely in the name of research.

Ocean's One

2010-12-14T16:06:00.003-06:00

There is no better entertainment than a good old fashioned Las Vegas casino heist.

In the movies, we get the all of the preparation and scheming. Remember in Ocean's Eleven, when he went out and recruited all of the masters of their trade? Remember when they built an exact replica of the Bellagio safe and had remote control vans and S.W.A.T. team uniforms?

Well, that is all just mindless theater.

The way to rob a Las Vegas casino is how this guy did it this morning. At 3:50am today at the Bellagio, a man strapped on a motorcycle helmet, walked up to a craps table with a gun and said "put the chips in the bag".

From there he jumped on his motorcycle and rode off with $1.5 million in chips. It is amazing. He does have to unload the chips, but I am sure he will take 75 cents on the dollar.

It will be interesting to see if this spawns a bunch of copycat casino robbers. If I know the gaming business, I would bet (no pun intended) that the probability of escape for these guys starts getting very unlikely.

On Frozen Roof

2010-12-13T15:18:00.003-06:00

Almost 2 million views on YouTube of the Metrodome roof caving in. We love to see things going crashing down, don't we?

Alright, I lived in Minneapolis for a very brief period and it is flat out one of the coldest places in America. You can literally drive an SUV onto a lake during the winter because the ice is 20 inches thick. I left my Toyota Tercel outside one night in December and the next day it was a block of ice. The guy from AAA told me that he could not even start it.

In the video, the stadium looks like a circus tent being hit by a hail storm. The Vikings are a big time NFL franchise with superstar players. Maybe it is time to play football under a proper roof or, better yet, play outside like other teams in nasty winter markets (Packers, Bills and Patriots).

Well, the blow back of all this is that nobody (except NY and MN households) is going to see Brett Favre miss his first start in 20 years.

Kid Just Got Smurphed!

2010-12-10T13:37:00.003-06:00

You want to know why technology is so fantastic? Because we have made it so simple that even a child can max out your credit card. Well, at least get the ball rolling.

California resident Kelly Rummelhart felt the financial sting of emerging technology. Her 4-year old son was playing with a Smurph application on her iPhone and was racking up charges on her credit card without knowing it. He ended up buying 11 buckets of "smurphberries" which you use to speed up gameplay. It is brilliant and yet very sinister.

My 11-year old son continues to plead with me to buy "Crowns" so he can upgrade his status on the massively popular PC game, Wizard 101. My 9-year old frequently approaches me with his iTouch and asks for my iTunes password so he can download the latest Flo Rida song.

It is just too easy to spend money without even having to put pants on. Take me for example, I just used my phone to put $1,000 on Wisconsin to win the Rose Bowl.

I figure if both of my kids have smart phones, they can bankrupt me by March of 2011.

Business News: McRib leads to McMoney

2010-12-08T14:29:00.003-06:00

McDonald's Corporation (MCD) sales rose 4.8% in November on the massive U.S. appeal for the limited time menu item, the McRib.

These guys continue to show their genius and pure mastery of the quick-service restaurant business. Wendy's and Burger King are falling behind in the fast-food wars simply because McDonald's has a better grip on America's stomach.

Extra Value Meal, inexpensive exotic coffees and even lowering all of their large drinks to $1. We are simple people and we step in line and follow the simple concepts. I go by McDonald's everyday and get the $1 drink because it is just a good deal. No, I don't want to bring a can of soda from home that will cost me 25 cents.

The idea of a limited time offering of McRib is also a perennial winner for McDonald's. By only releasing this tangy sandwich to the wild once a year, they keep us all loyal and waiting. It is sort of like why I kept my subscription to Sports Illustrated for 15 years, the February Swimsuit Issue.

And if they did offer McRib as a regular menu item, I would be dead.

The other players need to come up with something fast or they are going to get McThumped.

Sirius-ly: Howard Stern to Take a Pay Cut?

2010-12-07T17:38:00.005-06:00

There is no recession for shock jocks!

Well, wait a minute. The CFO of Sirius XM is saying that the recession absolutely hits shock jocks. Take Howard Stern, for example. It looks like the satellite radio company (the only one that I know of) is going to work hard to renew his contract. But, he will have to take a bit of a salary hair cut.

Stern, who has become the master of all radio by amplifying human flatulence and describing what it looks like to see two naked women kiss, is not amused. He was quoted saying, "I am not taking a f---ing pay cut". He also goes on to explain that 60% of the 20 million person XM subscriber base listens to the Howard Stern Show (The BlastCranium research and analytics team is going to want to see the official audit on this).

This seems like a matter that can be easily solved. Send out an email to 10,000 of your subscribers and ask them how many would leave if Howard leaves. Take the percentage and do the math and extrapolate to figure out how much revenue would go out the door. There is your negotiating leverage (one side or the other). Now this could backfire horribly for Sirius, but then you know you need to keep the shock jock.

Either way, you need to get your s--t together. Maybe you can take some of the money it costs to run Martha Stewart Living Radio and funnel it towards Howard. What is the world are people listening to Martha say all day

Good luck Howard. BlastCranium hopes you get a raise.

Sports Monday: W.A.R.P. in Cincinnati!

2010-12-06T16:06:00.004-06:00

Wow! I really hope some of you are old enough to get the early 80's pop culture reference in the headline.

Anyway, the big sports story coming out of the Blast this Monday is not Auburn vs. Oregon or Tiger blowing a 4-stroke lead at his own tournament. It is the take down and arrest of an unruly mascot. This is real news.

The Cincinnati Bearcat decided to start chucking snowballs during the team's futile effort to compete with Pitt this weekend. So, let's mix snow, bad football and 80-proof schnapps. You end up with a wintry version of a "shock and awe" campaign in a half empty Cincinnati stadium.

Check out some footage from the scene (some graphic language). People seemed to be enjoying his stage act. Things eventually got out of hand and he had to be taken down. No teaser or tranquilizer gun necessary, but still good video for readers.

When a game is essentially over, the mascot needs to have full latitude to enhance the fan experience. It was snow! I know, somebody could catch one in the ear or eye and that would sting. This is what you do in the snow!

BlastCranium Productions is already in talks with this kid for a new reality show where he hops from college to college in a different costume and gets billy clubbed by campus police. Still working on a title.

New Office Policy...I'm Out!

2010-12-03T12:27:00.005-06:00

Mega Sports Agency IMG has just distributed a new policy to it's employees. No Gambling on sports! This is all coming on the heels of some speculation that some big shots at IMG had the inside scoop on some of their biggest superstars (not to mention any names, but huge stars like Tiger Woods and Roger Federer).

So, the letter went out. click here to take a look see. No gambling on sports, and if you do we will probably fire you.

We here at BlastCranium, Inc. are big fans of sports wagering and will not take such a hard stance on gambling. I do realize, however, that sports gambling is pretty much illegal unless you are at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. If we do write up a policy, I am quitting because sports gambling is fun and liberating. I can throw $100 into a stock and hope that the CEO isn't a criminal or harassing a female employee OR I can put $100 on the Packers this weekend. Either way, it is my money and I want to lose it on my terms. That is America.

Anyway, good for you IMG. Since you guys know things that we don't (like where Tiger's yacht was this past weekend), maybe it is somewhat unethical for your employees to be betting on sports.

I am leaving the office now to lay some money down on a horse that just got his shots. Also a guy named Vito seems to be looking for me.

"Talk to me Goose".... "Where the heck is Goose?"

2010-09-07T16:35:00.003-05:00

Sometimes an idea comes along that is so great that it forces me to surface from the deep.

Ryanair's maverick CEO, Michael O'Leary has an idea worthy to be posted on BlastCranium. The idea is to get rid of co-pilots on their flights.

Computers basically fly the planes now, so why do you need another overpaid pilot in the cockpit? If the pilot is incapacitated , they train one of the crew members to land the plane. That makes perfect sense. Although, a flight attendant that is qualified to land a jet is probably going to want a raise (might defeat the purpose of the cost savings).

Bottom line is that I like this guy. If something is wrong with the plane, we are probably going down anyway so the co-pilot is just another guy on board figuring out how to spend the last 30 seconds of his life.

It feels good to be writing again. I will try to post more, for those who care.

By the way, I hope those born after 1978 will get the Top Gun reference in the title.

Big Mac, What the?

2010-01-19T16:37:00.006-06:00

No, I am not dead. It has been 4 months since my last confession (I mean posting).

Only the power of McDonald's can bring me out from hiding to make a Blast post.

The Big Mac Snack Wrap! Why in the name of all things holy would you alter the shape of the greatest fast food sandwich of all time? When they opened this thing up on the TV commercial, I fell off of my futon. It startled me to see "special sauce, lettuce, cheese" on a sesame seed...scratch that....a tortilla.

Don't trick up the classics. Please, protect the authenticity of the Big Mac.

By the way, do you really need to call Thousand Island Dressing "special sauce"?

Logo Genius

2009-09-18T14:02:00.007-05:00

I survived the Wisconsin Triangle (Milwaukee to Madison to Green Bay).

I am now back on the worldwide web searching for Blast-worthy content.

So, I decided to keep rolling on things related to my home town in America's Dairyland.

We don't have an NHL team so we get the next best thing, an AHL team. The Milwaukee Admirals are a great value for family entertainment and have arguably the best logo in professional sports.

It says to me; "Victory is imminent"

Pic of the Day

2009-09-16T15:00:00.002-05:00

At some point, this is going to go very badly for the pig.

Another Blast Hall of Famer

2009-09-10T13:29:00.004-05:00

The head writer of BlastCranium is off to Wisconsin for the weekend.

With that, I felt compelled to share one of our Hall of Fame ideas - Cheese Curds (click for fantastic curd trivia and recipe)

These little snack wonders are like M&M's to a kid in Milwaukee.

There really is no bad idea associated with the miracle of cheese.

The Mount Everest of Gluttony

2009-09-09T16:38:00.006-05:00

The Texas State Fair will never let me down.

The winner for the "Most Creative" fried food item for 2009 is;

Deep Fried Butter (bottom line - its a mound of dough injected with butter and then deep fried)

This is what we have become.

There might be a guy that will notarize your death certificate after you order this item.

Check out some of last year's deep fried winners.

I'm from Milwaukee and would not eat some of these things.

Yikes! No, Seriously That is What it is Called

2009-09-03T15:34:00.003-05:00

The Blast loves to comment on the latest in commuter technology.

This, believe it or not, is a new type of portable bicycle for the environmentally conscious urban commuter.

Check out the video demo.

Sure, I like the innovation behind this transportation device. It's electric and it is very sleek. The ability to fold this thing up and cram it into a bag makes it even more attractive to me.

As I watch the video demo there is one thing clearly stuck in my head; How many city blocks will it take before I go flying off of this thing.

Man's Best Friend?

2009-08-27T21:39:00.002-05:00

A shout out to my colleague, Chris Lee, for this piece of Blast magic.

Dog owners have discovered a new way to exploit their beloved pet. This consists of grooming and costume techniques to make the dog appear as a different animal/creature.

Click here to see more

Notice the common denominator with all of these pictures; none of these dogs appear to be very happy with this look.

The Colonel Wants me Dead!

2009-08-26T11:12:00.005-05:00

I am a sucker for the latest in food technology, especially the kind that reduces the number of years in my life.

Thanks to KFC, I will have another opportunity to push my stomach to its limit.

The KFC "Double Down" is being tested in a couple of markets where people have very strong colons.

This fantastic sandwich concept consists of two slices of bacon smothered with cheese and topped off with the "Colonel's Special Sauce". The real hook is that it is jammed between two pieces of fried chicken. This culinary masterpiece weighs in at a whopping 1,228 calories.

Click Here for the television commercial

KFC - I have only one request; never stop being the innovator in southern fried living.

Insane Idea Hall of Fame!

2009-08-16T18:31:00.003-05:00

This one goes into the Blast "Hall of Records", for sure.

You should have seen the guys sitting around the conference room table going over the marketing strategy for product.

Pic of the Weekend

2009-08-16T18:22:00.007-05:00

I am back from vacation and need to get the Blast back in action.

So, in the interest of time, I will take the easy road and post pictures that are worthy of this ludicrous blog.

I like this guy. Just knowing that he may have to fight his way out of this rally makes him a stand up guy to me.

His outfit is also genius.

Yes; I am Dog-Piling!

2009-08-05T18:09:00.004-05:00

Just to make absolute certain that no one from Radio Shack will ever speak to me again, I decided to pile-on to their re-branding plan with another post.

If you are a marketer, you obviously know it is critical to follow a major re-branding effort with a cool communication campaign.

Well, The Shack has decided to get us all on board quickly by encouraging us to change their store signs for them. Click Here to get a better look at this picture. Also, check out their Facebook page for some crafty teasers.

If this who strategy turns out to be a stroke of branding genius, I will be the first to kneel before the brass at "The Shack" and extol their brilliance. But for now, I will have to go on record with my official statement:

"What in the world is going on here?"

Pic of the Week - It's Football Season!

2009-08-05T11:20:00.003-05:00

A long time Packer tradition.

It's actually quite charming, don't you think?

Look, these kids live in Green Bay, WI. They need this.

Of course, being from Milwaukee, I have a free license to make fun of Wisconsin people.

The Shack Attack?!

2009-08-03T16:44:00.006-05:00

As a mildly insane critic of all ideas, I must examine the speculated new brand approach of the legendary electronics retailer Radio Shack. (Thus, guaranteeing I will never get a job there)

Word on the street is that they will be re-branding to the much more contemporary feel of "The Shack". (Disclaimer: If this information is incorrect, all opinions are null and void)

Clearly, there has been a mountain of research and testing done behind this re-branding. Therefore, it is way unfair for me to comment positively or negatively on this approach. But, i am going to do it anyway.

Dropping "Radio" is a brilliant move. If you are under the age of 30, you probably don't even know what the word radio means. That brings us to the back half of the equation, the word "Shack". I don't know what is the right move here. Me, personally, I would have gone way off the reservation and came up with a completely new brand. I went to Google Images and typed in "Shack" just for grins and this was our first result. Click here for SHACK on Google

Bottom line, I am a huge fan of the Fort Worth retailer. Let's all wish them success with the re-branding. "Go Shack Go"

Sell the Weed Wacker!

2009-07-21T13:24:00.002-05:00

A bit of genius from the good people of Las Vegas. The local Water Utility is offering cash to residents who kill their grass and put in some cool desert landscaping. Check out how much they are paying. cash for killing grass.

These pics show how fantastic it can look

This is so brilliant. I am going to recommend that this be implemented in my north Dallas suburban community. I run the sprinkler system every night and my grass still looks terrible. Plus, I would use the extra cash to go to Las Vegas.

The Blast is an eco-friendly website.

Pic of the Week - Only In Wisconsin!

2009-07-20T14:10:00.004-05:00

It's easy to make fun of the Dairyland State. As a Milwaukee native, I have spent my fair share of time trying to understand why we look and act the way we do.

New Feature - Pic of the Week

2009-07-16T13:24:00.002-05:00

What in the world led to this end result?

By the way, it has been 3 months since my last post. I am ashamed.

I am working on a process by which there are more posts. If you are a visitor of the Blast, you are a good person and don't forget to check in from time to time.

Cheers!!

Fit & Fold - Total Genius

2009-04-14T13:40:00.005-05:00

A special shout out to my brother, Craig, for providing me with this masterpiece.

The human race continues its struggles with the dreaded fitted sheet. Myself - I just don't bother with it. I like to just lay down towels and other pieces of bedding until there is a good base. the wife, however, demands that we have the traditional fitted sheet securely in place.

Thanks to Cooper Hipp - founder of Styled and Simple, we will no longer be traumatized by this post sheet laundering beat down. Cooper has created the Fit & Fold. The video is absolutely must see. He has simplified and automated the task of getting that feisty fitted sheet in place.

I have seen some of the greatest ideas in history - Sanka, Liquid Prell, Peanut M&M's

But this is special

SPECIAL NOTE

To the 9 people who sacrificed their precious time to read this blog - I am making it a personal mission to grab more insane ideas and share them with you.

Stay with me. I am shooting for 20 readers by the end of 2011.

Smooth Landing

2009-03-27T20:43:00.003-05:00

Thankfully, nobody was hurt during this dramatic incident on the Hudson.

With that, I can safely blog about this new iPhone application.

That's right, you too can relive this famous heroic landing by downloading the experience right onto your iPhone. Be the pilot who miraculously guided the commercial jet safely into the Hudson, thus saving hundreds of lives.

I feel like this can open a whole new genre of games. Saving people's lives is not a big seller within the giant video game industry.

I really hope Captain Sullenburer is getting a cut off of this game.

Facebook Reality

2009-03-22T21:48:00.003-05:00

I joined Facebook last week!

They notified me that I was the last person on earth, under the age of 50, to sign up.

It is so great. People are popping up that I never imagined would want to know what my life has become. Seriously though, I am really enjoying this whole social networking thing. It is a great device to showcase extremely interesting facts about myself and even sharing some embarrassing pictures, so people can see how badly the aging process has treated me.

The real purpose of this post is to share some true idea brilliance. For those of you who have not seen this clip, check this out. Facebook Reality

What a fabulous commentary on the magnificence of social networking.

Next, I am going for Twitter. For that, I apologize - in advance.

Model Mayhem!

2009-03-17T12:06:00.004-05:00

As the editor-in-chief of BlastCranium, I am a self described expert in idea insanity.

This little gathering will surely make it to the Blast Hall of Fame.

The popular reality TV show "America's Next Top Model" decided to have some open auditions in Midtown Manhattan on March 16th.

Well it turns out when you package 10,000 women who all think they are beautiful into a small section of downtown New York, neglect to have adequate security and then have someone yell "bomb"... bad things are gonna happen.

Watch the video! It is outrageous.

Between 20,000 flying high heel pumps and all of the those fake eye lashes, I can't believe there was not more blood shed at this gathering.

I did want to mention that 3 of my colleagues here at the office said they would give a week's salary to be milling around in the middle of that pack of women when it all went down.

Canonball Your Belly

2009-03-10T12:54:00.003-05:00

Finally, a dish worthy of a Tupperware party in a Milwaukee suburb.

One of my esteemed colleagues, Chris Lee, spotted this culinary masterpiece. It is a 17,000 calorie pirate ship made completely out of meat. Most of which is bacon and sausage.

Check out the short photo tutorial to see how it was made.

I can literally feel my aortas clogging just by looking at this thing.

If this came with a giant wedge of cheddar cheese, I think my girlfriend from freshman year at University of Wisconsin could have polished it off.

Keep note that I am a big fan of the bacon. see blog entry "Everything is Better with Bacon".

Smuggling Genius?

2009-03-06T15:54:00.003-06:00

Look at this guy.

Is there no limit to the level of creative thinking that will go into trafficking drugs?

Our guy here in the wheelchair, identified only by his initials J.S.P.F. was stopped by police in the Barcelona airport trying to smuggle over 10 lbs. of cocaine. Some of this shipment was in the form of a cast that was actually made to cover his fractured leg. It's all in the details people. This guy, with the help of some of his pals, actually injured his leg to get these drugs through security.

The sad thing is that he probably could have gotten away with it if it weren't for the additional cocaine he had hidden in a six-pack of beer inside his luggage.

He was immediately transported to a hospital so he could have leg properly treated. There is no word on how the cast was disposed of, but rumor has it the doctor's lounge at the hospital was raging later that night.

What the %@?!

2009-03-03T22:40:00.003-06:00

I have been known to drop a few F bombs (but never directed at a person)

As a father of two boys (ages 9 and 7), I should absolutely know better. I remember a few years ago letting the boys watch Terminator 3 with me and trying to hit mute before bad words were used. Needless to say, their mother walked in and had a few of her own words for me.

Well, a youngster in California has brought forward an idea worthy of the Blast -"No Cussing Week"

This Los Angeles teenager has rallied some local officials to declare this no cussing week and force the City of Angels to tone down a bit.

I am not sure how his buddies will take to this idea, but it is an admirable cause.

What is My Problem?

2008-12-30T21:54:00.003-06:00

December was a busy month for the author of BlastCranium.

My New Year's resolution is to post more frequently. We will see how long that lasts.

Check out the BlastCranium logo designed by my good friend Todd.

Here is hoping that you all have a great 2009. Please let us all have a good 2009.

Hamster Power!

2008-12-30T21:35:00.003-06:00

Do you want to know a great idea for conserving energy? Get little furry animals to provide power.

A London-based consultant has designed a paper shredder that uses no electricity. Instead it taps into a much more eco-friendly source of power, a hamster.

29-year old Tom Ballhatchet is the mastermind behind this creative device. All you need is one hyperactive hamster and some private documents and your are in for some shredding fun.

All this furry little creature has to do is run on a dead sprint for 45 minutes and you can shred one piece of paper.

The best part is that your pet will have some nice soft bedding in his cage after a vigorous workout.

A New Year's Time Waste

2008-12-30T21:24:00.003-06:00

Here is a great way to break up the day. www.zefrank.com

This site gives you an online kaleidoscope to tinker with when you are completely bored.

I love interesting new sites that have serve no purpose other than wasting time. Unfortunately, for this site, it takes about 30 seconds to realize that it is not all that fun.

Go check it out and start the New Year by spending quality time on the Internet accomplishing nothing.

Monkey Business (For Real)

2008-11-25T21:46:00.002-06:00

I am not sure if this will catch on in the U.S.

The owners of a traditional "sake house" north of Tokyo have employed a pair of Japanese monkeys to wait on their patrons. Check out the video. It is fantastic.

These little guys move around the establishment with great efficiency and seem to have a wonderful rapport with the customers. I am not sure how sanitary this form of food and beverage service is, but they do wear some very charming outfits.

It is just a matter of time before one of these monkeys gets promoted to working the cash register.

Extra Smooth

2008-11-21T13:27:00.014-06:00

I have had to call the BlastCranium research team to help me validate this product's worthiness.

The grooming experts at Rolling Razor suggest that their design greatly improves the shaving experience. In addition, the dual head configuration means that blades will last longer.

Here is where my team netted out:

Yes, the dual heads did result in longer life for the blades since we were able to shift from one to the other as we moved across our face.

It dawned on us, though, that when it was time to replace the blades, that we had to buy two. It, therefore, seemed like a bit of a wash.

Similar to the legendary safety lollipop, this handle design didn't really seem to help us shave with any more ease or effectiveness (though it likely reduced the probability of us swallowing the device).

The option to buy our razor in camouflage was a nice bonus.

Everything is Better with Bacon

2008-11-17T21:39:00.002-06:00

There is no better way for BlastCranium to stay topical than to blog about iPhone accessories.

Straight out of Germany comes an iPhone accessory with a whole bunch of "sizzle". If you are not a vegetarian, you will love this case that looks like (you guessed it!) bacon.

For those of you who have not latched on to the iPhone craze yet, don't worry, this pork-themed case comes in all different sizes. I am certain you can find a slab of bacon that will properly protect your cellular device.

Stay tuned meat lovers, I have put in a request for a backpack that looks like ten pounds of brisket.

"What"?!

2008-11-14T16:56:00.005-06:00

Here is another installment in my series on hilarious blogs. (if you missed my first one, check out my September 9 posting on indexed)

Founder of the "Blog of Unnecessary Quote Marks", Bethany Keeley has a great selection of signs and advertising that horribly misuse this popular form of punctuation.

I have been criticized for overusing parentheses and improperly capitalizing words in the middle of a sentence, so I am laughing with these people.

A Building with a Twist

2008-11-13T21:12:00.004-06:00

Here is a perfect entry for a blog that is all about "idea insanity.

Plans are underway, in the international hot spot of Dubai, to build an 80-story skyscraper that literally changes shape at any given moment.

Each floor of this architectural masterpiece will rotate independently enabling the building to always have a unique look. Even better, residences will have a different view of this breathtaking city as the day goes by.

Wind turbines will supply the power necessary to keep things moving and, of course, make the skyscraper energy efficient.

Units will range from $4-$40 million. The only chance I have of spending time in this building is if they hire me to work the valet parking.

Walk This Way?

2008-11-09T20:45:00.003-06:00

Some of the greatest engineers in the world work for Japanese auto maker Honda Motor Company. Evidence of their brilliance is the introduction of this new robotics invention.

The wearable robotic walker will revolutionize the workplace for those who are on their feet or in the crouching position for hours at end.

My initial reaction was, "this is fantastic, now I can reduce the horrible stress of walking from my desk to the supply room".

Seriously though, this high tech product is not designed so the average American office worker can get just a tad bit lazier. It is meant for the hard working factory employee, so that they can be more productive and spend less time in physical therapy.

It's somewhat encouraging that Honda is inventing machines that help factory workers instead of replacing them.

I am thinking about buying 20 of these robotic devices and starting my own version of the popular stage show, River Dance.

Portion Crazy

2008-11-06T21:59:00.004-06:00

The baking legends at Hostess have finally decided to offer its mega-brand Twinkie in 100-calorie portions.

I am a huge fan of the Twinkie. Like most Americans, I love my snack to consist of a spongy yellow cake filled with delicious whipped fat.

I am not really ready for the Twinkie to be packaged to be in any way nutritious. Let's face it, if counting calories is part of my dietary plan, I don't need to be thinking about Twinkies.

The next time you see me at the Quickie Mart, I will be purchasing all Hostess products at full size. In fact, if you are looking for any additional product extension ideas, please consider offering a foot-long version of the Suzy Q.

Reflect This

2008-11-06T21:38:00.008-06:00

The good people at interferenceinc.com provided me with this insane tech marvel. This interactive mirror allows you to be amazingly creative and look at yourself at the same time.

Watch the mirror video for a closer look at how it works.

This cool device looks like a lot of fun, but with my accelerating hair loss and periodic weight gain, I really try to minimize the amount of time spent in front of a mirror.

For all of you beautiful people out there, go get one.

Which One of These People Do Not Belong Here?

2008-11-04T18:35:00.003-06:00

Jerry Jones has found a way to raise his stock with the tween female demographic. No, it's not a line of Hannah Montana Cowboy's gear. Actually, it's pretty close.

The massively popular Jonas Brothers will be playing halftime at Texas Stadium during the Thanksgiving game between the Dallas Cowboys versus the Seattle Seahawks.

It would be easy to just start ridiculing this idea, but it is all about raising money for the Salvation Army, so no ripping.

All I can say is that it will be kind of weird inside the stadium during this show. I have been to a lot of NFL games in my life and the percentage of girls 8-14 in the stands is extremely small.

But to Jerry's and the NFL's credit, the big story for this performance is the massive TV audience that will tune in for the popular "boy band". I, on the other hand, have already slated that 20 minute time slot for my other favorite Thanksgiving tradition; pulling all of the Christmas decorations out of the attic.

Slip Sliding Away

2008-10-24T14:35:00.003-05:00

Here is the latest wacky invention being pitched by legendary infomercial star Billy Mays.

The Big City Slider

Am I missing something here? Do I really need this contraption to cook hamburgers that are 1/2 the size of normal burgers?

Billy literally hypnotizes millions of people to buy completely unnecessary products. I sat in front of my television last weekend and let him yell at me for 30 minutes about Mighty Putty. Half way through the infomercial, my 9 year-old son brings the phone to me and says; "Dad, we have to get some of that Mighty Putty". I think the main reason my son wanted this product was because he had just smashed something in the other room.

If you really like your miniature hamburgers cooked perfectly, go ahead and grab you one of these. Otherwise, meet me at Chili's.

Blast Into the Past

2008-10-22T22:00:00.003-05:00

Special shout out to one of my top advisers, Whitney, for sending in this gem.

This fantastic site allows visitors to upload a head shot and create some hilarious throwback yearbook pictures.

Yes, the picture is me. I actually remember having this popular hair style.

Check out yearbookyourself.com and experiment with your own picture.

Head Games

2008-10-20T21:41:00.002-05:00

The brilliant engineers at Emotiv have developed a new video game accessory that will guarantee that the next generation of teenagers are the laziest ever.

This new device will, literally, read our brain waves so that we can control characters on video games without any muscle movement, whatsoever.

Obviously, there are spectacular benefits to this device. Especially for those who do not have the luxury of movements that most of us are fortunate to have. For that reason alone, I applaud the outstanding developers at Emotiv.

For me personally, I am not sure that I want this contraption to get inside my head. My brain is already a mess.

Indiana Jones and the Potato of Doom

2008-10-17T13:42:00.003-05:00

We all saw it coming. A big push this Christmas for Indiana Jones toys.

I will be the first to confess that we have purchased the Indiana Jones Lego video games for our two sons. I'm sorry, they are just really fun.

At some point, George Lucas has to see a toy extension from one of his movies and just say, "too much".

One of my favorite movie characters ever (yes, I was a kid when Raiders of the Lost Ark came out) is now a potato.

Stop it. George, you have enough of our money already.

Cosmic Odor?

2008-10-17T13:26:00.002-05:00

Space smells like fried steak and hot metal. I'm serious.

NASA has paid a chemist from the British firm Omega Ingredients to recreate the odor for astronaut training.

My understanding is that the Universe is fairly large. Is there a chance that if we get closer to Saturn, that space smell like pot roast and a burning tire?

Can you imagine what was going through the mind of the guy at Omega Ingredients that took the call from NASA? "Let me get this straight, you want us to do what?"

I want to party with the guy at NASA who is in charge of the "Approved" stamp.

Idea Insanity Hall of Fame

2008-10-17T13:18:00.002-05:00

From the BlastCranium archives we feature this slice of idea greatness. The sticker placed in upper corner of the driver side windshield that reminds us to change our oil every 3,000 miles.

I am no mechanic. In fact, I am not even sure why my car needs oil in the first place. But, my crack research team has run a series of tests and given me empirical proof that we don't need to change the oil in our car that often.

Bottom line, we only need to change the oil about half as many times as we do. That's OK, we have plenty of oil, right?

More Hall of Fame entries will be featured - stay tuned

Wii Are All Starting to Lose It!

2008-10-09T22:43:00.003-05:00

First off, let me go on the record by saying I love my Wii. I spend countless hours playing on this genius video game console with my two sons.

The latest accessory I spotted are these Wii Maracas. Check out this 5 second clip of them in action (look for the video player in the top right corner).

If my kids get a hold of these, my wife will have me sleeping in the shed in the back yard.

To my good friends at Nintendo; keep on coming up with great extensions to your fantastic product. Please just give me some advance warning.

Who Gives a Flip?

2008-10-05T21:28:00.002-05:00

Finally, technology has given us a simple and effective way to "shoot" a message to the person driving directly behind us.

This clever device allows us to remotely flip down our rear license plate, revealing some potentially kind words to our fellow motorist.

The best part about this product is that it will bring you even closer to that person coming up from behind. This is because, as they try to read the text underneath your license plate, they will most likely crash into you. Thus, leading to the always enjoyable exchange of car insurance information.

Sure, I would love to tell the guy behind me what is on my mind. I just don't like the potential road rage that could follow. Therefore, I will pass on this product and just rely on the old fashioned way of auto communication - let him drive by me and give them the traditional hand gesture that may apply to the situation.

The Cure for Arm Sweat?

2008-10-02T22:01:00.003-05:00

Special thanks to BlastCranium contributor Chris "Candy" Anderson for this item.

Wrist bands are on the move, literally. When I say move, I mean up over the forearm. Pro, College, High School and Youth football players have all bought into this uniform accessory. Let's face it, pushing the wrist band all the way up to the elbow makes it look like you have bulging biceps. Even as I type this post, my bicep bands are producing muscularity I never knew existed.

My crack scientists have assured me that, in fact, my muscles are not bigger and that my sweating problem is getting worse.

Check out the Nike offering of bicep bands. Strangely, they look like ordinary wrist bands.

I think we have found the less permanent version of the popular barbed wire tattoos that were a huge hit with athletes about ten years ago.

Rocket Man

2008-09-26T21:07:00.004-05:00

You have to concede to one thing. This guy has some real stones.

Can you imagine ripping through the air, at a few thousand feet, with gallons of jet fuel strapped to your back?

Aside from my two favorite aspects of flying, takeoff and landing, this looks pretty fun!

I give this idea a 4-star rating. If it means we don't have to deal with airports, I am putting in my security deposit for one of these contraptions tomorrow. Just show me where I can put my rolling bag.

Somebody Bail Me Out!

2008-09-19T15:02:00.007-05:00

What a wild rollercoaster ride it was on Wall Street this week with Lehman Brothers, AIG, Wachovia and others dropping like rocks.

Well, it's all going to be OK. The American people are going to save all of the banks and brokerage firms from going under.

As the foremost authority on insane ideas, I will confirm that this bailout qualifies.

In all seriousness, it might just work. By this time next year, AIG will be back on its feet and the CEO will be snacking on caviar at his Martha's Vineyard summer home.

Since I'm not a finance wizard, I had the BlastCranium research and development team look up what we were really in for on this bailout plan. After four hours, my team came back with this: "We have no clue."

Actually, they told me that there was one mathematical certainty and that is "Higher Taxes."

I know where there might be some good job openings: The U.S. Treasury, because we're going to have to start printing all of this money we're using for this damage plan.

A final thought: Maybe loaning money to someone who has bad credit, no cash and no job, to purchase a house is a bad idea.

I'm certain that it is.

Bathroom Humor

2008-09-17T21:49:00.005-05:00

As you can now see, I am not beneath commenting on the most intimate of consumer products.

Quilted Northern has just released a 3-ply version of their flagship bathroom tissue brand.

They've cleverly decided to use a SOFT SELL to market this product to the American public (I can't take credit for this strategy - took it right out of the article in Brandweek).

After months of extensive analysis, I am speculating that a group of talented scientists came to conclusion that we all want just one more level of cushion.

Continued advancements in bathroom technology is proof that we are truly a sophisticated society. Liquid Prell, Mach Turbo Blades, toothpaste that makes teeth whiter and freshens our breath, soap on a rope, and, finally, softer toilet paper.

We're inching ever closer to the perfect bathroom experience.

Marketing Mayhem

2008-09-15T20:36:00.003-05:00

It is time for me to dog pile on the Microsoft commercials. First of all, who under the age of 25 really cares what Jerry Seinfeld has to say? Maybe everyone...or maybe no one.

It appears that they are trying to merge the "something about nothing" format of the show Seinfeld with the quirky styles of the movie Napoleon Dynamite. The result...what the heck is going on here?

The Apple spots are funny and make a very strong point about the product and the personality of the brand. The Microsoft commercials show me what two really rich guys will look like when they hit 50.

Hey Bill and Jerry

In your next spot, please walk me through how to put Windows XP back on my laptop.

Campaign Fun

2008-09-11T17:00:00.006-05:00

It could not be avoided. I will be covering as many election related ideas as possible.

Take a look at this masterpiece of merchandising. This action figure of GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin features all of the key accessories including Kazuo Kawasaki eyeglasses, a hockey stick and a hunting rifle.

Let's face it, she is huge. I can't stop watching her on television. Last night, I sat and stared at CNN for 30 minutes waiting for her to get off of the plane in Fairbanks. Get ready America!

Oh, also there are some Sarah Palin branded underwear. Too much?

High Speed Collision

2008-09-11T11:20:00.010-05:00

I stumbled across this article. Scientists have been working in Europe for 24 years on this $10 billion project. It is a massive particle collider.

I am not smart enough to accurately describe this engineering breakthrough, but let's give it a shot. This machine, shoots protons through a 17-mile tunnel the size of a fire hose. Super magnets control their path so that they collide, thus giving scientists the ability to understand where all of matter originated (which they say is most likely the Big Bang Theory).

Reading the article made my brain hurt. For those out there who are not astrophysicists, here are some answers to basic questions about dark matter. Proton Collision for Morons .

It's amazing stuff. Now, excuse me while I go home and try to properly set my DVR to record my new favorite game show "Hole in the Wall". We will leave the smart things to do to the scientists.

A Smarter Blog

2008-09-08T20:40:00.003-05:00

Check out this blog. Indexed is clever and requires real intellect.

The only other comment is that I hope that BlastCranium can someday offer this level of daily entertainment.

Please come back again.

Shocking Name for OKC

2008-09-04T13:48:00.008-05:00

I have pulled this post from the work of a fellow blogger. Here is a great perspective on the chosen nickname of the new NBA franchise in Oklahoma City. Straight in from MillsportBlog - Enjoy.

Pulling a page from the USFL's (or CBA's or XFL's or Arena League's or WNBA's) playbook, the NBA's new franchise in Oklahoma City has selected "Thunder" as its nickname.

Xtreme, Rage, Blitz, Gold, Fire, Burn, Shock, Fever, Thunder -- they all have one thing in common: They're soulless.

The franchise's previous name -- the Seattle SuperSonics -- had personality, style, and a soul. It honored the city's roots as an aerospace hub just as the Packers, Vikings, Oilers, Dolphins, Rockets, Astros, Pistons, and so many other teams have paid tribute to the history and heritage of the cities and regions they call home. These names are distinct, unique, memorable. They're real.

"Thunder" is a generic moniker that's safe. It's also amorphous and generic. And a poor choice for a team trying to create a brand.

"I Am Rich" Screensaver

2008-09-04T11:33:00.015-05:00

This genius screen saver application was available on the iTunes store for exactly 2 days before it was pulled. The "I am Rich" screen saver is nothing more than a glowing gem that costs $999.99, which is the maximum an application can be sold for at this online store.

Eight people have already bought it. Let's face it, there are a lot of idiots walking around with an extra thousand bucks to spend.

Designer Armin Heinrich was on to something. I think he could have sold a couple thousand of these and started a community of people who would say; "Look at me. that's right, I bought this thousand dollar screen saver that does nothing. I have enough money to do something stupid; and tomorrow, I will still be rich."

We have not heard the end of this fun phone accessory.

High Tone Dining

2008-08-28T14:01:00.022-05:00

Why eat an expensive dinner in a fancy restaurant when you can do it suspended 150 feet in the air?

Dinner in the Sky will raise you and your party up over any number of exotic locations. Look at these guys eating next to Notre Dame Cathedral.

For a mere $25,000, 21 of your closest friends get strapped into these roller coaster style chairs for a 2 hour meal.

I'm doing this. My choice is to hover over the Tiger pit at the San Diego Zoo. How crazy would that be? Me and my buddies feasting on some prime rib while these hungry tigers stare up at us hoping for a cable to snap.

Just one quick note that I am sure everyone asks; Where do I go to the bathroom? It's simple, they just lower you down and you visit the portable restroom. This system could be problematic as me and my buddies are shot-gunning Old Milwaukee long necks. That crane will be going up and down constantly.

I predict great success for these guys. I do wonder, however, what the crane operator is doing during the dinner. He is probably enjoying his Whopper and fries.

Learn from the Legends

2008-08-27T18:17:00.004-05:00

I am not a musician, but this is extremely cool.

I Video Songs will teach you how to play any number of legendary tunes. The best part is that the teacher sometimes in the original musician.

I am seriously thinking about learning to play guitar, because Alex Lifeson of Rush is giving an online lesson on how to play The Spirit of Radio.

Check out John Oates. He will teach you how to play "She's Gone".

Basketball Onesy

2008-08-25T12:59:00.006-05:00

One of my colleagues brought me this idea. It seemed blog-worthy.

The Australian women's Olympic basketball team came to play in these super-slick uniforms. I'm still trying to figure out how you get into this thing; Is there a zipper on the back?

I actually like this look. It's a basketball singlet.

The opposing teams were not sure whether to post-up or to attempt a single leg takedown.

My only request is that NONE of the men's teams give this look a try in 2012.

Movie Genius

2008-08-25T12:34:00.008-05:00

If you take real animals, add some CGI to make their mouths move, and then get some A-list celebrities to do the voice-over :: what do you get? The answer is mucho dinero.

If television commercials have taught us anything (other than the genius of the song "Viva Viagra"), it is that talking animals are hilarious and memorable. Taco Bell, Budweiser, Geico and many others have tapped into this magic.

This one will be great. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is a lock at the box office. It's a classic "fish out of water" storyline.

I am actually working on a screenplay for this movie where monkeys take over Washington, DC. Everything is going great until Congress goes into session and the monkeys start hurling feces at each other. Anyway, I am still working on it.

Go see the chihuahua movie. My prediction - hilarious

Hot Actress Pitching Micro Brew

2008-08-20T17:19:00.007-05:00

Dallas-based Stampede Brewing Company is hitching their covered wagon to Hollywood starlet Jessica Simpson. The blond actress/singer/publicity queen will be the face of their Stampede Light Plus brand. Not only will she appear in some store level ads, but she is taking a 15% stake in the company.

Can you imagine her contributions at the quarterly board meetings? That quarterly meeting, by the way, will be held in my garage.

Who knows? Maybe this brand will really take off. After all, it has a neat position in the way-crowded beer category - "beer for active people"

Personally, I prefer my beer to be targeted towards "lazy, sports-watching, girl-chasing, obnoxious people".

Making Work Fun

2008-08-19T17:25:00.005-05:00

How about sticking this cool piece of furniture in your home study? The good people at Office Organix have brought us this useful work station, thus ensuring America can hold it's #1 ranking as the fattest country in the world. Do we really need to work lying down? I was researching the accessory options to see if I could order a bedpan to go with this thing. You think this guy is a little nervous that the 1999 Apple Computer breaks out of that strap and crushes his sternum?

Let's face it, there are only a few things we were meant to do in the horizontal position. And making bids on Ebay is not one of the them.

Hot Singer Pitching Flavored Water

2008-08-18T13:08:00.008-05:00

Using my PhD in statistics, I was able to isolate the linear correlation between how hot Carrie Underwood is getting and how ridiculous her endorsement deals are becoming. This billboard is genius. Look at the copy; "Carrie Me Home". She might be talking about the bottle of Vitamin Water, or maybe herself. It just works on so many levels. Now I actually am thirsty. Who said advertising is dead?

Whopper of an Idea

2008-08-13T14:46:00.007-05:00

So much for eating at Burger King ever again. It's going to be really difficult to not remember this image every time I roll past a BK location.

For those of you who have not seen this story, our buddy Tim, here, decided to bathe himself in the sink at his place of employment - the neighborhood Burger King in Xenia, Ohio.

In an effort to memorialize his jovial behavior, Tim went ahead and videotaped the moment and posted it online.

Sure, it'd be easy to call this guy an idiot, but he's already found himself featured on all of the major news sites. Therefore, he is more famous and, in turn, more important than me. Even money would say he's hosting a reality show on FOX this fall.

Look, he's a 25-year-old struggling musician fighting the good fight as a fast-food restaurant employee. If taking a bath in the sink at work is his ticket to something bigger, then I say good idea.

By the way, a Burger King spokesperson noted that the sink was thoroughly sanitized and is perfectly safe for restaurant use.

Listen, we've all seen the guy in the sink and I'm telling you that some steel wool and Comet cleaner is not going to cut it. Do me a favor: Pull that sink out and bury it somewhere.

Invisibility Cloak

2008-08-11T15:45:00.005-05:00

Do we really need our greatest technological advances to be inspired by Harry Potter books?

OK, I will give you the fact that this is a pretty cool invention, but is it a good idea? It just seems that all of the movies that I have watched about an "invisible man" have ended very poorly for those involved.

What are we looking to do with this "cloak"? Besides Chad, the high school senior, who uses it to get into the girl's locker room, this device has bad news written all over it. You can get away with a whole lot of trouble when no one can see you.

I don't like this one. Let's leave invisibility to the wizards. Plus, this girl in the picture is about to be run over by that guy on the bike.

Broadway Brett?

2008-08-10T21:22:00.004-05:00

I have held out as long as possible on this whole debacle. As a graduate of Whitefish Bay High School (Northern Suburb of Milwaukee) and the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater, I am a die hard Packers fan.

I was just out of college when Favre took over the starting position in 1992 (my word, that sounds like an eternity ago). I am officially putting a massive failed bit alert on this move. It's likely he still has it, but not for the New York Jets.

This transaction gets my highest bad idea rating (5-Stars). Brett, please forgive me.

Big Foot Sighting

2008-08-08T22:55:00.004-05:00

I've found that thin red line between genius and idiocy.

This incredible yard accessory caught my eye as a flipped through a SkyMall catalog on a flight from Dallas to Los Angeles. When I arrived home, I had a strong urge to retreat to my backyard and find the perfect spot for this masterpiece.

Then I realized that putting this statue near the koi pond would result in a very nasty altercation with my wife.

If you go to eBay you can search this item and actually see insane consumers get in a bidding war over this miniature replica of Big Foot.

Bad idea? I'm struggling with this one, even though they seem to be popular in some parts.

The Mars Rover

2008-08-08T15:07:00.005-05:00

I'm a fan of space and stars. I also like rockets and telescopes. But come on. The Mars Rover? How does this idea really pay off?

Don't tell me that it will help uncover the mysteries of the universe and solar system. Find me someone that lies awake at night stewing over that question.

The Mars Rover is scraping a giant brown rock for different kinds of dirt. Oh, pardon me, we found some traces of ice and possible signs of life 29 billion years ago.

What are we going to do once we find something spectacular on Mars? Take a picture? Watch some really smart guys at NASA celebrate with wine coolers?

I would rather them build a rover that I can put in my backyard and tell me if there is any crude oil somewhere down there.

Putting a sophisticated machine the size of a Volkswagen on different planets - an incredible technological feat? Yes.

Laying down $800 million to move some rocks around on a different planet? Bad idea.

Cutting it Straight

2008-08-08T13:39:00.001-05:00

If you really need to cut something with this much accuracy, you should probably not be doing it by hand. My 7 year-old son can make the paper snow flakes with the $1.99 scissors we bought at Dollar Tree. If your going to put the effort in to build in the infared guidance system, why don't you just have the freaking laser cut the paper?